You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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