I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
