Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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