I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
