Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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