Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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