And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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