Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My liver just had a heart attack.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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