that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
