after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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