how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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