so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
