Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
