I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
