Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
