She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Vodka?
Forever.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
