Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
