Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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