The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
It's just like the Real World with babies
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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