I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
