I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
false alarm, still single
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
