how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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