I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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