its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
