What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
