I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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