Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize