Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
