woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
