But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
