Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
