chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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