...so i touched it.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
