bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
