i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
