the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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