i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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