Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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