I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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