I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I hope mine doesn't look like that
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize