4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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