I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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