He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
