Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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