Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
