what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
