And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
