i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
