I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
