I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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