Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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