so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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