My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
