Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize