just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
