They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
