Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I deserve this hangover.
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