U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Is it because I queefed?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
