Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Sorry my hands just texted you
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
