Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
