Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
