Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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