it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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