You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
