Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
