Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
