What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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