So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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