I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
