Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
