never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
