hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
