we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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