I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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