My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
