tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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