Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
