Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
