My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
