I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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