Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
