Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
