I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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