you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize