dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
