After last night, I could never be a politician.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
