he shaved USA in his pubs
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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