Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
