I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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